Meaningful Or Just Mean? Receiving Constructive Criticism And Telling The Difference Between Acceptable And Overly-Harsh Critique

Sometimes—no matter how objective we are—hearing constructive criticism is hard. You spend so long working on your project, only to hear someone tell you what’s wrong with it. Even if you brace yourself, even if you want to hear it, there are some days where critique is a tough pill to swallow. 

Worse still, some feedback is merciless—tearing into your work like it’s garbage. Instead of wanting to help, some bullies will berate you and your work under the guise of constructive criticism. While constructive feedback is important, sometimes it’s difficult to tell when someone’s criticism is in good faith.

Constructive Feedback vs. Overly-Harsh Critique

The crux of the matter is that a good critic will be predominantly concerned with improving your work. Try asking yourself the following questions about your critic:

• Are they commenting on the positive and negative, or solely focusing on the bad?
• Are they offering solutions, or just pointing out mistakes?
• Are they using neutral language, or charged phrases like “This sucks,” or “This is garbage?”
• Are they talking about specific details/examples, or speaking about your work as a whole?

If you find the critic is consistently leaning more towards the latter options, then you should ask yourself if their critique is really worth anything.

How to Receive Constructive Criticism

Most critics and editors, however, mean well. If the person giving you feedback is respectful and improvement-focused, but you’re still having a hard time stomaching critique, try some of the following tips.

• Focus on understanding. Listen closely. Let the person share everything they’re thinking without interruption. Don’t over-analyze what they’re saying; take it at face value.
• Don’t take it personally. If the critic isn’t being outright disrespectful, they aren’t trying to belittle you. Focus on your work, not yourself.
• Don’t be defensive. Sometimes, someone critiquing your work feels like they’re critiquing you. Remember that they aren’t.
• Remember: all critiques are suggestions. Consider what they have to say, but don’t feel like you need to change something if you disagree.
• Take a break. Once the feedback session is over, give yourself time to process the critique. Something may sting when you first hear it, but ring true once the emotions pass.
  

Critique isn’t always easy to hear. Even if you’re prepared, a bad day might leave you feeling hurt, and that’s okay. If you take these tips to heart, however, you’re less likely to leave a feedback session with hurt feelings.