There are all kinds of reasons why people seek out mentors. Whether you want to work on personal goals, improve your academic career, or expand your professional options, a knowledgeable mentor can make a huge difference in your life. Unlike friends or family members, a mentor can provide you with industry-specific knowledge, constructive criticism, and honest, unbiased feedback about your skills and development.
But how do you find a good mentor? How can you tell if someone is the right fit or not? Perhaps even more importantly, how do you break off a mentorship that just isn’t working out? Discover the answers to all of these important mentoring questions below!
Qualities of a Good Mentor
According to Indeed, a mentor should be someone you admire and can look to as a role model as you work towards your goals. They should be proficient in their specific industry, but also have the personal skills and emotional intelligence to offer you solid advice throughout your journey. Look towards individuals who show these specific qualities and attributes in their personal and professional lives:
- Investment in learning and growing
- Willingness to connect and expand their network
- Open to helping others in their field
- Great active listening skills
- Honesty and integrity
- Resiliency and flexibility
- Confidence and motivational skills
- Leadership capabilities
On the flip side, a person might not be a good mentor if they speak negatively about your boss or coworkers, lack motivation, or aren’t reliable communicators. Some people are brilliant in their profession, but simply don’t have the “soft skills” required to be successful mentors. It’s important to recognize that the person who might be the most technically skilled in your company or field isn’t necessarily the best individual to mentor you.
Where to Find Mentors
Now that you know what to look for, where are you supposed to find a mentor? You can start by reaching out to people within your current professional network, talking to your professors if you’re in school, or attending a professional networking event. If asking someone in person about mentorship is way too anxiety-inducing, marketing expert Neil Patel suggests using social media and online mentorship-matching services to your advantage.
You may be able to find a mentor using Facebook, Instagram, or LinkedIn, but you might benefit from a paid mentorship platform. These types of specialized sites will help connect you with willing mentors for a monthly or per-meeting rate. A few platforms Patel recommends include:
How to Reach Out to Potential Mentors
Global technology consultant and founder of Thriving Elements, Janet Phan, revealed in the Harvard Business Review that 76% of people believe mentors are important, but only 37% of people have a mentor. Phan believes that the fear of rejection is one of the biggest barriers for people seeking mentorships. To minimize this anxiety, Phan recommends sending your potential mentor a brief email with the following elements:
- A few specific things you admire about their work
- A little bit about yourself and why you’re reaching out to them
- What you’d like to learn from them
- An invitation for a brief virtual meeting to chat more about your goals
Introducing yourself in this way will save both you and your potential mentor time as you search for the right fit. It’s much easier for someone to explain that they don’t have time to take on another mentee in a quick email rather than a face-to-face meeting, and the low-pressure virtual meeting will give you both a good opportunity to see if the relationship would be beneficial. After you meet with a couple candidates, you’ll be able to assess which people have the right personal and professional qualities to help you the most.
How to End a Mentoring Relationship
Are you currently working with a mentor you’re just not clicking with? It’s best to bring up your concerns and gently break off the relationship sooner rather than later, says Shawn McClintock, an associate professor in psychiatry and behavioral sciences at the Duke University School of Medicine. “I see mentoring as a lifelong journey, as opposed to open-ended,” McClintock explains. “You need different types of mentors for different stages of your education and career.” If you sense that you aren’t getting the feedback or information you need from your current mentor, you should recognize it as a sign to move on.
To end the relationship on a positive note, keep these tips in mind:
- Look back on the progress you’ve made and make note of the accomplishments you reached. What specific things can you thank your mentor for helping you with?
- Ask your mentor for feedback about your development. What are they most proud of you for?
- Have an honest conversation about your next steps. Which areas can you improve upon? Is there anyone your mentor can recommend to you?
While you may feel uncomfortable breaking the news to your mentor, someone who genuinely wants you to succeed should be happy for you. Just be sure to be gracious and cordial when explaining your desire to find a new mentor. “Why tread so carefully? Because you may want to come back to this person for advice or dissertation help or other professional reasons,” says Alan Kazdin, a professor of psychology and child psychiatry at Yale University. “There is no reason to burn that bridge.”